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 Post subject: Cow Protection League
PostPosted: Thu Jul 01, 2010 6:20 am 
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Joined: Fri Apr 10, 2009 3:59 am
Posts: 186
This was in the July 1981 Cactus Clarion. I had to share:

Reno, Nev.—A survey by the United States Department of Agriculture revealed that there are approximately 100 million head of cattle in this country at any given time. Another recent survey, by the United States Habadashers Association, revealed that there are more than 200 million cowboy hats sold in America each year. As everyone knows, the principal responsibility and duty of a cowboy is to boss cattle around. That was all well and good back in the days when the cattle outnumbered the cowboys. Now that nine out of 10 people in America are cowboys, the impact on cattle herds is devastating. With two or three cowboys bossing around each individual cow, the poor animals become confused and disoriented. They get depressed, lose weight and, in general, become stringy and tough. The newly formed Cow Protection League is introducing laws in several state legislatures which would require that anyone posing in advertisements for any product whatsoever (from cologne to automobiles to designer jeans) while wearing a cowboy hat must personally own at least three head of cattle. Additionally, all male models appearing in western wear must have dipped snuff or chewed tobacco for a full 60 days before the advertisement or commercial is photographed or filmed. Finally, the Cow Protection League is seeking a constitutional amendment which would make it a federal offense for anyone to harass or nag a cow which he did not personally own or had not been paid to pester. Should these measures prove effective, the nation might look forward to healthier, less neurotic cows and see a decline in the number of people wearing cowboy hats, thus finding it easier to watch movies in crowded theaters.
-The NEVADIAN


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 Post subject: Re: Cow Protection League
PostPosted: Thu Jul 01, 2010 6:35 am 

Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2009 9:30 am
Posts: 436
Hey Space Cowboy:

I love the Cow Protection League. How true! How True! Now I understand why our cows were so confused on the open range here in Arizona. There are more cowboys per acre here than even in Texas. Most of these Arizona cowboys are of the drugstore variety. I have lived in Arizona all my life and I have been counting cows for almost fifty years. These Arizona cows have been protesting for years, but all the politicians worry about here are illegal Mexicans from Mexico. The politicians are trying to close the borders to keep the cowboys in to spend their money and hell with the cows or the Mexicans.

Please send me an application. I want join and maybe start a chapter here in Arizona for the cows.


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 Post subject: Re: Cow Protection League
PostPosted: Thu Jul 01, 2010 7:09 am 
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Joined: Fri Mar 27, 2009 4:43 pm
Posts: 1367
Location: Eastern Arizona
Cool humor.

Tom: We just need to mooooove the border southward.


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 Post subject: Re: Cow Protection League
PostPosted: Fri Jul 02, 2010 7:38 am 

Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2009 6:58 am
Posts: 145
Location: L.B. CA.
Ha Ha that’s a good one. :lol:


On a more serious notes about the number of cow vs the number of cowboys. You will also note that many of these cowboy hats are sold to cowgirls.

Here is the good news, most cowboys are government workers, hence 90% are supervisions, that gives us very few cowboys to stress out the cows. I think the government has hundred of thousands of cattle guards on the books (I’ve never seen a cattle guard with a hat, but my wag is a many would wear a hat). But with so many cowboy supervisors per cowboy we have stressed out cowboys. Now back to cowgirls, which I like better than cowboys, speaking of liking cowgirls did I ever tell you guys the story about…. OOPs I almost got off subject, I just going to sit here and think about that nice cowgirl.

Thanks again SC for the cowboy heads up on the Cow Protection League. :D


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 Post subject: Re: Cow Protection League
PostPosted: Fri Jul 02, 2010 10:27 am 
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Joined: Fri Apr 10, 2009 3:59 am
Posts: 186
Well, Okay guys, but I did get this pointed message from the Urban/Drug Store Cowboy/Cowgirl/Transgender Confederation, as well as the Boss of the Plains Hat Anti-Defamation League:

Dear Sir, The recent reprinting of the slanderous article from the Cactus Clarion/Nevadian cannot go without challenge. Defaming the many millions of Americans/Visiting Euros and Asians wearing the aforementioned BOP in free association and without malice, slandered by the likes of this shadowy puppet-master Cow Protection League, must and will be denounced by all freedom loving would-be cowboys across this great land. Not only do Urban/Drug Store Cowboys/Cowgirls/Transgenders not harass or worry cattle, most have never even seen one or been associated with said bovine outside of a McDonald’s hamburger, and are more likely to be seen herding cats or small children when wearing said Cowboy Hat. They would not be caught dead on a horse and hold true to the motto: Save a horse, ride a cowboy/cowgirl/transgender. We urge you to receive some form of sensitivity training for Urban/Drugstore Cowboys/Cowgirls/Trangenders persecution by real cowboys.

Sincerely, Elmer Whiffle, Vice President, Media Relations, U/DSCB/CG/TC, Providence, Rhode Island, and Cynthia Wojohowitz, President, BOPHADL, Tokyo, Japan.


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 Post subject: Re: Cow Protection League
PostPosted: Fri Jul 02, 2010 5:50 pm 
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Joined: Wed Aug 26, 2009 3:32 pm
Posts: 248
Location: On a sand dune
Dear mr. Cowboy

Will this in any way affect one of my favorite hobbies, cow tipping? Will I have to wear a cowboy hat now?

worried on the range,

Guz


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 Post subject: Re: Cow Protection League
PostPosted: Sat Jul 03, 2010 2:28 am 
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 4:12 pm
Posts: 183
Hell O Cowboy, We have that same problem here in Texas, I'm thinking of putting some money on a hat company. There are a lot of naked heads out there crying out for a hat. Don't worry to much about the cattle, they will soon learn like the horse how to read the crease of the hat. A crease like Somehiker's is well respected by our Texas longhorns. It's when they see the government crease, that they will charge. That's kind of like Jims, ( kind of ) it gets formed by poking into the mailbox all the time, looking for that government check. The cowgirls are my concern, cause the Texas two step has turned into the Texas toe step. Homar


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 Post subject: Re: Cow Protection League
PostPosted: Sat Jul 03, 2010 4:27 am 
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Joined: Fri Apr 10, 2009 3:59 am
Posts: 186
Guz wrote, 'worried on the range'.

As well you should be.


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 Post subject: Re: Cow Protection League
PostPosted: Sat Jul 03, 2010 7:04 am 

Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2009 9:30 am
Posts: 436
Terry:

Do you think we should move the border south to the Panama Canal and end the problem?

Tom


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 Post subject: Re: Cow Protection League
PostPosted: Sat Jul 03, 2010 7:27 am 
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Joined: Fri Mar 27, 2009 4:43 pm
Posts: 1367
Location: Eastern Arizona
Yes, Tom !
I'll have to rethink policy in regard to Belize and Costa Rica though... They seem to be doing well enough without our help.


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